Falling for Forever (Before Forever) Read online

  I toss up my hands. “Yes! You had Nat cut my monitor. I saw you in there with him.”

  He shakes his head. “This is crazy. I didn’t tell him to do anything.”

  “Oh, please, Miles. If I’m that intimidating to you, all you had to do was say something. I’d have happily bowed out of this whole thing and let you have it as payback for taking your number. You didn’t have to humiliate me.”

  He points at me. “I’m not intimidated by you, and you don’t let me have anything. I earn it.”

  “By making sure your competition fails. Let’s just be clear about that.”

  He runs his hand through his mop of hair. “This is ridiculous. I didn’t do anything, and neither did Nat.”

  I give a humorless chuckle. “Oh, he didn’t? Then why did he give me that snarky asshole look with a little innocent shrug in there a minute ago?”

  “He didn’t do that. I was sitting right next to him.”

  “You’re telling me not to believe my own eyes? You weren’t looking at him. You were looking at me.”

  He peers around the hallway like he’s trying to make sense of this. “I’m going to talk to him.”

  “Go on…do that. This is over now. But if you ever mess with me again, Miles, I swear to god, you have no idea what a bitch I can be.”

  He looks me up and down. “No, I think I do.”

  I practically growl at him until he walks back into the auditorium. I let out a grunt as I head down the hallway toward the front of the school. My dad’s car sits there in the parking lot, him behind the wheel looking down at his lap.

  I get in and he closes his novel. “Hey sweetie, how did it go?”

  I buckle in. “Not good. I’ve got something I need to get off my chest.”

  Chapter Ten

  Miles

  I find Nat still in the booth. “What the fuck did you do?”

  He chuckles. “Just a little payback, my friend.”

  I shove the rolling chair out of my way. “What is wrong with you?”

  Nat flings a hand in the air. “Well you obviously weren’t going to do anything.”

  “No, I wasn’t, and that was my decision to make, not yours.”

  He waves me off. “I didn’t do much. Just turned off her monitor. If she’s gonna be a big pop star, she needs to know how to work around that anyway.”

  I bang my fist against the back of the chair. “Not during talent show tryouts, you dumbass.”

  He stands up to me. “Hey, I did you a favor. Now she knows she can’t fuck with you.”

  I clench my fists, hoping I can contain my anger and not hit him. “She didn’t want to fuck with me. She just wanted to be my friend. Now she wants to kill me.”

  He shrugs. “Now she knows how you felt all this time.”

  I turn around, grabbing fistfuls of my hair. “I’m such an idiot for telling you what happened. Why did I trust you?”

  “Because we’ve been friends our whole lives, and I’ve never betrayed your trust, not one single time. But now you’re actually taking up for some bitch who screwed you over.”

  The anger inside me wells to the point of bomb detonation. I shove him like when we were kids on the playground fighting over an action figure. “I told you not to call her that.”

  He gets to his feet, but instead of shoving me back, the look on his face does more harm to me than any physical pain he could ever inflict. “Seventeen years of friendship ends like this?” he asks. “Over a girl you’ve known a week? What, are you going to say fuck it to rooming with me at Belmont, too?”

  I turn around and put my fist to my forehead, trying to get my head around Nat’s intentions. I know he did it for me. I know if I asked him to, he would kill for me. I know he thinks he did something noble here.

  “No, our friendship isn’t ending,” I say. “You just make it hard sometimes.”

  “I make it hard,” he says. “I thought you’d appreciate this. You did the same thing to her last Saturday night.”

  I nod, knowing the weight of this problem lies on my shoulders. “I know I did.” I inhale a deep breath and turn around. “Please don’t interfere in my life like that again, okay?”

  He huffs, furrowing his brow. “No problem, dude. I’ll leave you the hell alone.”

  He shuts down the board and pushes past me. He flips off the light, leaving me in the dark.

  I sit across from my mom at lunch on Saturday, picking at my fries.

  “Are they soggy?” she asks.

  “No,” I say. “They’re good.” I take a bite of one.

  “Then is there some other reason you aren’t eating today?”

  “It’s just…I had a fight with Nat.” I’m not sure I’m ready to tell her all about Jenna, but she understands Nat.

  “Ah,” she says. “Wanna talk?” The waitress sets down another Diet Coke for my mom, and she thanks her.

  I roll my eyes. “He had good intentions, but he did something really stupid.”

  She nods. “Sounds like Nat. Are you going to forgive him?”

  “Yeah, of course. But I’ve still got to fix his mess.”

  “Wouldn’t be your first time,” she says, eyebrow raised. “So when do you find out if you made the show?”

  “Monday. They’re announcing the top ten during free lunch in the theatre.”

  She picks up her drink. “You feel good about your performance?” she asks.

  I shrug. “Pretty good.”

  “You need that fifty grand if you want to secure Belmont.”

  I cut my eyes at her. “You could just get Dad to pay.”

  She smiles. “If you have to pay, you will appreciate it more, trust me.”

  I shrug. “What if I decide instead just to take Emory so he’ll pay?”

  “You won’t,” she says, “because you’re my son.”

  “Whit’s your son, too.”

  “And I love him just the same as you.”

  I narrow my gaze at her. She has to say that, but we both know our connection runs deep because of our shared love for music.

  “Besides,” she says, “between your scholarships and this grand prize, you’re already really well on your way. You don’t need our money.”

  “That’s if I win.”

  “You will.”

  “And if I lose?” I ask. “Will you kick in the fifty grand?”

  She picks up her fork. “I won’t, no matter how many times you ask. I want you to earn this on your own, Miles.”

  “Whit’s not earning his on his own,” I say, knowing I sound like a jealous brother.

  She shrugs. “You can be like Whit. You can fall into your father’s footsteps and do what he wants you to do. Or you can prove to your dad that you can do it yourself.” She points her fork at me. “If I know you, you wouldn’t ever forgive yourself if you knew you took your dad’s money past the day you graduate high school.”

  A woman I don’t know comes over to say hello, and my mom gets up to give her a hug. They stand and talk about some charity dinner they’re throwing together, and I wonder like I have so many times before about my mom’s life before my dad. I know she waited tables and played harp on the street to pay her way through school, but anytime I try to dig deeper into who she was before him, she shuts me down. I’ve gotten to where I don’t even ask her anymore. But something makes me think she was tough and street smart, and she wants me to be those things as well. Right now, she and I are both comfortable in Belle Meade. I think her making me fund Belmont is her way of getting me uncomfortable.

  My mom and I hit a couple of music stores after lunch, our regular Saturday when Dad’s working. When I get home, I close myself in my room and work on my piece for the talent show, assuming I made the top ten.

  I watch some Pogo videos on YouTube that always help me with inspiration. I’ve got the music scored for my performance. It’s just a matter of figuring out the right images to draw along with it that will work live. What I’ve got now is a lot of random stuff—a
hiker climbing a mountain, a pinball machine turned solar system with earth pinging off the other planets, the whole cocoon butterfly thing. It’s weak. I need a theme—something to pull it all together. I don’t want to be cliché and do a social commentary. I just want it to be about nothing, but that’s douchey, too.

  I sit back in my desk chair and pull my hair away from my eyes. I can’t get Jenna out of my head, and I don’t know how to remedy that. I could text her and tell her I’m sorry, but I’d really like to wait until Monday morning so I can do it in person. I am sorry that I ever told Nat about what happened. I could have told Dev and left it at that. Dev is cool. He doesn’t tell secrets, and he doesn’t do goofy shit. But every time Dev and I get tight, I feel guilty for leaving Nat out. He flashes me one of those hurt puppy dog looks, and I’m eight years old again, protecting him from some bully he poked at on the playground.

  I don’t really know what to say to her, except that I know he did do it, and that I’m sorry on his behalf, but she’s never going to believe me. It wouldn’t be so bad if she hadn’t opened up to me earlier this week in Music about her mom leaving her when she was little. I got the feeling that wasn’t something she shared often, and now she probably feels like I’m this distrustful prick who’s going to spread her personal shit around school. I don’t want her to feel that way.

  My phone buzzes.

  Dev: Want to hit The Glass Vortex tonight? Lowlifer is playing. Your god mom has the connections, man!

  I don’t have anything else to do, and I’m depressing the hell out of myself at this house.

  Me: In

  I peer around the room, checking out who’s here and looking for Kelly so I can go ahead and say hi. There are pros and cons about having your godmother open an underage club. One pro is that you have a place to bring your friends to hear cool music for free. But a con is, basically, anything you do will be reported back to your mother.

  I wave as I catch her glance. She holds up a finger to the person she’s talking to and makes her way toward me. She hugs me and kisses me on the cheek. “How’s my favorite godson?”

  “I’m your only godson.”

  She smiles. “Doesn’t matter. You’re still mine.”

  “How’d you get Lowlifer to play here?” I ask, shouting over the music piping out of the speaker we’re standing under.

  “A friend of mine and your mom’s manages them. Who are you here with?” She peers around me.

  “Dev,” I say.

  She snaps her finger in a half-moon motion. “No girls, still, huh?”

  I shake my head. “Not at the moment.”

  She ruffles my hair. “A cute guy like you should have a girlfriend. Kids who are coupled up don’t get into as much trouble with drinking and drugs.” She cocks her head to the side. “But then they do get into other kinds of trouble.”

  I close my eyes from the embarrassment. I love her, but she’s as subtle as a peacock.

  Someone who works there grabs her and she nods. She turns back to me. “Have fun. Let me know if you need anything.”

  I nod and give a thumbs-up sign. Then I go to the bar and get Dev and me sodas. I find him talking to Nicolette and Jasmine. Now I feel really bad that Nat’s not here since the rest of our group is. Dev said he asked him, but he didn’t want to come because I was going. I must have really struck a nerve with him yesterday. I’ve got to figure out how to make this right.

  I’m edging through the crowd when a mane of crazy blonde hair stops me in my tracks. She looks at me and then does a double take, like she didn’t know I was here, either. I look around her to see if she’s here with Shane, but she’s not. I recognize the girl beside her as the same one she was with that day at the Sensation auditions.

  “Hey,” I say, not wanting to move past her without acknowledging each other.

  She glares at me. “Hey.”

  I proffer the soda at her. “Want a drink?” She considers it and then stares at me like she wonders if it’s poisoned. I take a drink of it. “See? I swear it’s not roofied.”

  Her friend giggles.

  I nod at her. “I’m Miles.”

  She nods like she already knew this. “Chloe.”

  I hand her the other drink. “Do you want a drink?”

  She peers at it and then back up at me. “Aren’t you going to sip it first?”

  I take a drink out of the side of the cup and then hand it to her.

  She smiles. “Thanks.”

  “Can I talk to you?” I ask Jenna.

  She lifts her chin. “I’m here with Chloe. I’m not leaving her.”

  Chloe waves her off. “I’m fine. Go ahead. Seriously.”

  I look over to where Dev is with the girls and make eye contact with Jasmine. I wave her over.

  She makes her way to us, and I point to Chloe. “I want to introduce you to Chloe. This is Jenna’s friend from Chattanooga.”

  “Cliff Ridge,” Jenna says.

  “Sorry, Cliff Ridge.”

  Jasmine waves. “Nice to meet you.”

  I lean down into Jasmine’s ear. “Will you hang with her while I talk to Jenna?”

  She shrugs. “Sure thing.”

  I hold up a finger to Chloe. “Jenna will be right back.” Jasmine leans in to Chloe’s ear and the two start talking.

  Jenna glares at me. “I didn’t say I wanted to talk to you.”

  I stare deeply into her eyes, using every trick I’ve got in my game book, which is lacking on epic levels. “Please?”

  She blinks and then rolls her eyes.

  I take her hand and pull her through the crowd. She doesn’t grasp it back, just lets it lay limp in my hand, a sure sign that this is going to be a tough recovery, and I can’t blame her.

  Kelly stands near her office talking to someone, so I take the opportunity to ask her for her office key, which she gives me with little questioning. I open the door and motion Jenna inside.

  She stands there outside the door, skeptical. I try to take her hand again, but she jerks it away. She finally walks into the room and stands with her arms crossed over her chest.

  I shut the door, removing much of the noise of the music. I meet her gaze. “You were right. He did cut your monitor.”

  She lifts her eyebrows. “Oh, so you didn’t believe me? You thought I just sucked on purpose?”

  I look off to the side at Kelly’s desk, trying to reset here. “No, I believed something went wrong. I just didn’t want to believe Nat did it on purpose.”

  She tosses up her hands. “Okay.”

  I close my eyes, inhaling a deep breath. “Look, I’m really sorry. I swear to god I had nothing to do with it, though.”

  She shrugs, shaking her head. “Whatever.” She heads for the door, but I stop her, holding my hand out like a crossing guard.

  “I’ve decided that if you don’t make it, I’m going to one of the judges about Nat.” My stomach sickens at the idea, but I have to figure out how to fix this.

  She steps toward me, her eyes huge with anger. “If you even dream of doing something like that, I will be pissed, and I will not compete. Do you understand?”

  I pull back, confused. “Why not? He took away your chance.”

  She cocks her head to the side, eyebrows raised. “Sound familiar?”

  I look away again, inhaling a deep breath.

  “Like I said,” she continues, “we’re even. If we leave it right like it is, we can try to move past it and find a way to stomach each other for the rest of the songwriting unit, since we’re stuck together.” She tosses a hand in my direction.

  An air of turbulence jumbles up my stomach at her disgust with me, especially since she’s trying to do what she thinks is the right thing. “I’m not pissed at you about Sensation anymore,” I say. “I’m the one who left my number. But honestly, I don’t think it would have done any good if I would have taken it with me. The way those producers were that day, I’m sure they would have just picked the next person in line.”

&n
bsp; She shrugs, the anger falling off her face a little. “We’ll never know.”

  I drop my hands down to my sides. “Look, I don’t want to be even with you. I don’t need that.”

  She lowers her chin. “What, you want to be ahead?”

  “No, I don’t want to be anything. I just want a clean slate. Is there any way to get one of those?”

  She crosses her arms back over her chest and lifts her chin. She shrugs. “Okay.”

  I hold out my hand to her. “Truce?”

  She considers it for a moment, and then takes it, but no smile widens her face. She stares at me when she’s shaking it, though, like she’s not going to let me get away with anything. And I don’t imagine she would.

  The piped music goes down outside, and I hear Kelly’s voice through the microphone introducing the band. For some reason, I would rather stay in the little room with Jenna than go watch them.

  She motions toward the door. “Shall we?”

  I open the door to a round of applause for the band taking the stage. As she walks past me, she holds my eye contact, making my stomach unsettled. She’s got this way of messing with my insides without my permission.

  I spot Chloe and Jasmine, but now Nicolette, Greta, and Dev are standing with her as well. Jenna meets my gaze and I shrug, like I had nothing to do with it. But I guess I did, since I asked Jasmine to hang with Chloe while I talked to Jenna.

  Chloe is starry eyed for this band, but Jenna seems less interested. She watches them, but she also looks around a lot. About the third song in, she glances up at me, and I look down at her. She holds my gaze tightly, her expression unreadable. A warning? A peace offering? I have no idea. But she wakes up a little part of my chest that I didn’t know had been asleep.

  Chapter Eleven

  Jenna

  Chloe sits in front of me, stirring her chocolate soda. “Why do you think they call it egg cream if it has no eggs?”

  I shrug. “Why do they call it jumbo shrimp?”

  “Well, because for a shrimp, it is jumbo.”

  I get a straw full of my strawberry soda and point it at her.

  She holds her hands up to protect her face. “I will kill you, Quigley.”